07 January 2010

January 7

"Friendship is rare on earth. It means identity in thought and heart and spirit. The whole discipline of life is to enable us to enter into this closest relationship with Jesus Christ. We receive His blessings and know His Word, but do we know Him?"
~ Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

For months I have wrestled to know and understand God's goodness. It seemed impossible to believe in a loving God amidst such a broken world. It seemed impossible to have hope in His love because I did not understand Him. Why, oh God, do you let us remain so broken? I have wondered. Why is it so hard to trust in your goodness? I have felt my heart break each day as I looked at the world and saw the pain around me - the pain in me. I have struggled to believe in His love and understand His grace that, at times, seems non-existent.

But now - well now it is a new day. I woke up knowing, without a doubt, the great love of my God. It all was so simple, really. Just a weekend trip to Portland. I realized that despite all the theological questions and historical context I may be struggling with now, He is a good God. Because I saw it in them. In the people He has given me. In those I love and who love me - who I know and who truly know me. I saw it that weekend in the hugs and in the smiles of pure joy to simply see the face of one who had been absent from our gaze for so long. I saw it in the falling back into old conversations and old routines like not even a day had passed. I saw it in the way we asked How are you? and What can I pray for? with the utmost sincerity and urgency, knowing that time was short and we had so much ground to cover. I saw God's goodness in our love for one another. Each time I see their faces, even in photographs I am reminded of how God loves so greatly. Because it is only from His love that we are able to love one another. Without this gift we would now know how to comfort one another; how to care for one another; how to live with one another. This is how I know God is good.

So I will rejoice in Your great goodness, oh Lord. I will rejoice in how You love your children even when we don't deserve it or even know it. I will rejoice in community that comes from You. I will rejoice even in the hard times - the times when the world seems too broken to fix and when it seems like it might tear me apart - because even in those times you have given me the love of my friends.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i like this! and i love you Carrie! you are so lovely and beautiful. and i adore you.