11 August 2011

thoughts from :: home.

this is about recognizing the details in myself. the ones I forgot were there. it was nice to have them come back and greet me. nice to be reminded that they are there and surely they'll always be there. forever and ever amen.

what an odd feeling it was to return to a place that I love and slowly begin to have pieces of myself return from the places I have tucked them away. and to realize that the self I am in one place is totally different from the self I am in another. not any less real or less me. just different.

I did things I used to do all the time but never find time for now. I smiled at strangers and people-watched. and I'll tell you something, I don't think I saw one person rushing around in a suit. actually, not one person even wearing a suit. except when it was a hipster and they were wearing a crazy vest or bow-tie with it, of course. I took my earbuds out and listened to the sound of the world humming around me. it hummed with much less force than the car horns and idling buses and electronic buzz currently filling my mind and causing me to reach for those earbuds right now. I thought about something other than work and what I need to do tomorrow. I hugged the people I love with intention and I let them hug me as much as they wanted to. I actually might have overdone it a bit. if you can overdo something like hugs. which, luckily, I do not think is possible. my shoulders loosened. my jaw unclenched. my breath came back in deep, satisfying gulps.

let's just be clear here, people. I actually enjoy my life as it is right now. I have friends who are fun and real and teach me how to live fully. I am exploring a city and drinking lots of wine and eating lots of really good food with lots really great people. I am productive and I am growing and for the most part, I am myself. most of the time I am pretty content. and for the times that I'm not, the joy of the Lord is a wonderful thing I am learning.

but you never can beat the feeling of being home, right?


Jyndia said...

Thanks for this blog... it was exactly what I needed to read today. I have been trying to decide what the next steps will be for me after graduation... I often think it will include moving back to Portland. But what if I need to go somewhere else first? Or is that just the unnecessary white "noise" and Portland really is my home. I miss you love

carrie said...

Oh Jyndie, how I would love it if we both ended up in Portland and could see each other all the time! Maybe we need to live one more place before we go back but I definitely think we should end up in Portland. And go to Vivace at least once a week :)